My Growing Celebrity Status

As you can probably tell, I changed my URL to maintain strict anonymity. Because that's how important I am. When the UN calls and offers me a job, I can't have them know about my food addictions and sarcastic bad 'tude.





I will now introduce you to Michael because I will probably refer to him a lot (when he's on my good side- which varies between 3% to 10% of the time). And since he needs a lot of attention I will be FORCED to write about him and how hilarious and wonderful he is. He works right behind me...he is my assistant. In this picture Michael is doing "prune". For those of you who don't read Dlisted, Michael K (the Dlisted blogger) says the Olsen twins always say "prune" when posing to make their lips plumper. So now this is a daily occurrence in our lives, practicing prune.

Bizarre Foods

So I love the show "Bizarre Foods" on the Travel Channel (yes, I do watch some educational shows). If you haven't watched this little gem of a show, it is hosted by Andrew Zimmern who is a chef/writer/world traveler. He basically gets to go around the world and eats random things.

Highlights include:

Goa

Cow's Urine Tonic

Phuket

Fish Stomach Sauce

Ethiopia

Raw Camel Kidneys with Berbere and Lemon Juice

Tanzania

Fresh Goat's Blood

Uganda

Giant Flying Ants

Hawaii

Roy Yamaguchi's Homemade Natto

Tofu Skin with Hana Snails and Salmon Roe

Samoa

Giant Clam Sashimi

Iceland

Hakari (eight-week-old putrefied shark) in

Slatur (blood pudding)

Russia

Pickled Lamprey

Bolivia

Chafaina (cow vein stew)

Chunos (freeze-dried rotten potatoes)

China

Penis Soup, Donkey Skin

Of these, I'm not really sure which ones I would eat. I have a slight aversion to anything with blood in it. And they didn't specify what exactly the "Penis Soup" in China came from...

Hot Mess

Unfortunately the weekend is over :( Oh and you know what else is over? Ryan Reynolds. Apparently he married ScarJo this past weekend. I hate her.

I do not enjoy David Blaine

I actually can't think of a bigger waste of time and money than David Blaine's latest "stunt". I use the term loosely because I don't see hanging upside down for 60 hours in any way exciting, suspenseful or cool. Yeah, yeah... so your body isn't used to hanging upside down, you could go blind, blah blah. Really? Who cares. Doesn't do it for me. I accidentally tuned in for maybe 3 minutes total between Lipstick Jungle- then quickly regretted not watching the "I'm a PC" commercial instead. I enjoy his little card tricks and such, but his slow talking drives me nuts.

A ton of people actually showed up to see his ugly ass hanging there in Central Park. I think before the fact they figured out that the stunt wouldn't be that great, so they decided to have a "dive of death" at the very end. Here is a thrilling video of this "dive of death".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH7l87ktGds

Never sleeping again...

So not a big deal but THIS crawled across the wall of my room last night as I was minding my own business, trying to watch Rachel Zoe's emaciated frame on TV. I almost lost it. A baby one was on my wall the other night... I hyperventilated, but somehow managed to kill it. Thank GOD my roommates have boyfriends and Zack was there last night when the daddy of all centipedes invaded my room. Those bastards are fast, sneaky and terrifying. Meanwhile, me, Carrie and Eileen were appropriately screaming, jumping on the bed and running around. Then the whole rest of the night you think that they are falling from the ceiling and landing on your head, or you feel them hanging out on your ankle. The worst part is that my room isn't in the basement, I JUST vacuumed my whole room, moved the dresser/bed around. Carrie and Emily have also had close run ins with these beasts. One more bug and I'm calling an exterminator.

Who knew?!?

Wow... this is a shocker...

Props

If there's one thing that I love more than interesting places, its meeting interesting and unique people. I would like to give a shout out to Brian, a friend from the good old Club Med days. Brian was a Spanish and Zoology major, and spent some of his time after graduation breeding Leopards... (who didn't?). In addition to English, he also spoke French, Spanish and Portuguese. Not only was Brian brilliant, he was hilarious and always up for a good time.

The one thing that I remember the most about Brian, was his calming demeanor. I wish I could do a study on him, but I swear he emits a calming scent or something. I would have him just sit in my office and all my stress and anxiety would go away.

He is following his dream and is now managing a hostel in Lagos, Portugal called the Gold Coast Youth Hostel. Props to you, Brian and the next time I'm in Lagos, you know where I'm staying!

Jenna Jameson

Is it weird that I had a dream about Jenna Jameson? No, not one of those. We were like best friends in my dream and I thought I was soooo cool introducing her to everyone. "What? yeah... this is Jenna... Jenna Jameson...what of it?" I'm going to blame it on all the news about her having twins with that Tito dude.

What's with hyphenated last names?

I don't get it. I see no reason why when people get married, the girl should hyphenate their last name.

1) I think that's the one big "gift" / "sacrifice" that you should give to your husband. I would not be happy if I were a guy, and my wife decided to obnoxiously hyphenate her last name.

2) You can always use your last name as your middle name (just to keep it around) or when you have kids, make it one of their middle names. That is all acceptable.

3) Who wants to write out a long, hyphenated last name?

Exhibit A:

Yarrrrrrrr

So... Remember that time that i dressed as a pirate every tuesday for a year? Yeah, i know... i try not to remember as well. That was when i gave up any ounce of dignity that i had. I totally remember the day like it was last week.

Let me set the general scene. First came Monday night where we had "pirate set up" which I actually hated more than wearing an eye patch. I do not enjoy manual labor. Thank god I was usually drunk because mondays were vegas night and I was in the show (story for another day).
Then it was mandatory that we go to the pirate show and act like a pirate with the "yaaarrr" and all that. I was usually plotting how I could have Tom see me, then run away and hide somewhere.

I always think its hilarious that people like pirates so much. Its weird? I mean you like them enough to make a "national" day out of it. I enjoy Pirate Booty...thats about it. And believe it or not, the way that we dressed up was not "pirate" enough. No no, we were "hollywood pirates". Whatever that means. Excuse me, if you are going to make me wear a pirate costume every Tuesday, I WILL try and at least look half cute in doing so.

Oh and I forgot to mention that we then had the mandatory pirate break down? Yeah thats right, I would go straight for the baskets and bottles and shit so that I would have to carry anything heavy.

Ahhhhh the memories. Gotta love it... Yar.