It must be true love

I sent this to the BF today:

I received this one back:

This is normal, right?

Marriage!

Here is Kathy Griffin at a proposition 8 protest. She's hilarious and I cannot wait for My Life on the D List to come back on (tied with Flipping Out).

I, myself, am extremely sensitive to the gays, example from a phone conversation last night:

On the phone with my lesbian friend:

Me: Are you scissoring right now?

R: What? No? Bah! Alright but really, its me and my girlfriend's one year anniversary coming up, what should I get her? I went to the mall to get her something... but I ended up buying myself hairspray instead.

Me: I don't know what you people want? Overalls? a ratchet set?

R: She already has one.

Me: A scooter?

R: I want one! I'm not getting her one!

Me: Oh... So are you guys going to get married?

R: Not anytime soon, but we've talked about it.

Me: Have you talked about who will carry the child, or will you both do it like that Cat Cora?

R: Oh I SAW that, isn't she awful? But no, my girlfriend can't have kids... but can you imagine me pregnant?

Me: Absolutely not, can you imagine how expensive your child's nose job will be?

R: Oh I know, right? We'd have to do that early on. PS You should talk.

Touché.

Yes, this is how we talk to each other. She calls me Smigel because of the similarities between our hair... Its love all around.

Divorce!

Well well well. It appears as though the count has been cheating on his countess! LuAnn and her husband are getting a divorce! Maybe he saw how ridiculously arrogant and demeaning she is on RHNY and decided to peace out. I hope that this is a huuuge reality check for her. What I hope more is that Bravo was still filming and we get to see some of this drama unfold.
(Dlisted)

Who doesn't love narcissism?

I can't get enough of Colbert lately.
Hilarious quote right around the 1:38 mark.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Emily Yoffe
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor NASA Name Contest

Best Site EVER (well at least since This is Why You're Fat)

Why the F*** Do You Have a Kid?

(Dlisted)

Why hasn't anyone gotten me this yet?

(It's All About the Bacon)

Adventures at Camp K

So every couple months I head out to the burbs to spend time with the fam. They LOVE when I come home. And by that I mean, Wendy prepares herself for a weekend of constant nagging and annoyance from me. Les just got back tonight from China and Japan for business, and I'm fairly sure he was more excited to Bruise than me. That's pretty standard.

This is my weekend so far:

Friday 7:45pm: In the car minutes from home, Bruiser pukes all over my lap, and then proceeds to have diarrhea on the floor mat of the car. Awesome.

7:49pm: Arrive at "Camp K" while Bruise runs around barking hysterically, the other two dogs (Tori and Amber- yes, I'm aware that they have stripper names) try to avoid him and greet me with dirty stuffed animals.

8:15-10:00pm: Wash my vomit jeans while watching HGtv.

10:15pm: Bed.

Saturday 6:00am: Awake to the sound of Bruiser crying outside my parent's door, trying to wake them up and take him for a walk. Evil.

7:15am: take Bruise to the groomers and debate leaving him there permanently.

7:30am: Take the other 2 dogs for a delightful walk in the park for 15 minutes and I then decide its much too cold to be out there.

8:30am: Reluctantly pick Bruiser up from the groomers. I now like him again that he's clean and has a cute bandanna.

9:00-1:30pm: Shop with Wendy and spend money that I do not have on things that I do not need.

4:30pm: Jay surprises me by coming home to see the fam. I try to get info out of him about girls, he lets me know nothing.

5:30pm: Les returns home bearing gifts! I have a new scent- Hermes Kelly Caleche.

7:15pm: I feel immense RAGE against chocolate companies that do not include a "legend"* with the chocolates. Am I supposed to guess whats in there? No, I don't trust that. I cannot risk getting a gross cherry cordial chocolate. Its almost not worth it... But I can't resist so I risk it and this time I was lucky- caramel and truffle.

7:45pm: Sit down to watch various pirated DVDs from Shanghai.

Then apparently we will be stopping the movie at 8:30 for Earth Hour, per my Dad's demands. I am not sure what we will do for one hour in candlelight while staring at each other. My guess is that he'll plan on falling asleep at 8:31 and leave the rest of us to entertain ourselves.

*What the HELL are these things called? Legend? Map? Diagram? I tried googling it to no avail.

I peed my pants a little

Oh. Thanks for that.

So I finally decided to grace the gym with my presence since I can't actually remember the last time I went there. I arrived to the chaos and quickly remembered why it is that I don't like going. I happened to be wearing the Chicago Sport and Social club t-shirt that I got somewhere for free. So while I'm trying to mount the elliptical and juggle my water, towel and iPod- one of the trainers came up to me and start a conversation about my shirt.
"Soooo what is the Sport and Social club?"
Ugh. I do not have time for this. "Oh, I have no idea- I got the shirt for free"
"Ohhh haha well I was really curious, it sounds cool"
"Yeah...welp I'm sure it is..."
"Well I'm [insert generic boy name] let me know if you ever find out."
mmmkkk. Great conversation about nothing. Good day to you.

18 minutes later, I decide that I've had enough of the elliptical and the gym. Let's be realistic, the only reason I went to the gym was to go tanning as I look like prune. I do a handful of situps and head into the locker room to grab my stuff. While walking up to the desk, I see Brian/John/Mike whatever his name was staring at me with his hands up and a fake confused look.
"What? That was like the SHORTEST workout ever!"
I debated telling him my whole life story as my excuse- how I haven't worked out in a couple months because I spend much of my free time with my new boyfriend and how I had just gotten over what could possibly have been the black lung disease last week and how work has been pretty busy and how I'm in the pre-spring funk etc.
But instead I just said: "Ha yeah, I'm over it...I have to go tanning"
He laughs and gestures towards me while getting this other trainer's attention,
"Sara, she just did like the shortest workout of all time"
Sara replies with "Haha well tanning is important!"
I awkwardly laugh and agree.
Sir. How dare you call attention to my obvious lack of self motivation. I see nothing wrong with an 18 minute "workout." Rude.

Oh she's a Realistic Rita ookaaayyyyy

I know Chris Crocker terrifies most people, and he/she scares me too but I can't stop watching.