Yesss, I will be DVRing this!

Subtle Sexuality

I ADORE Andy Bernard.

I knew it!

I heard the rumor a couple weeks ago and now CNN has confirmed it!!! I knew it!!! Remember my predictions? Love him.

Thank God Fall TV is back!

I do not enjoy...

...The Neelys. I spend most of my weekends watching the Food Channel and fantasizing about one day being able to create something more than Mac and Cheese. 

I love Ina Garten, her soothing voice makes me just want to curl up in her bosom and take a nap. While most people don't like Giada de Laurentiis, I love her. I even love her giant teeth and can overlook the fact that she has to pronounce certain items in Italian: "I will now grate some fresh PARMAGIANNNNAA onto the PAAASTA." 

I don't like Rachael Ray...but then again, who does? I had an ex who was obsessed with Good Eats, so I watched enough Alton Brown to ruin me for a while. Sandra Lee is too put together and I don't trust anyone who can change their entire kitchen decor to suit the theme of the show.

Now the Neelys blatant display of their affection is just too much for me to bear. "Ohhh baby pass me the pepper...you know how I like my pepper!" "Oooo girl I know how you like your pepper, gimme some love, baby." Just stop. 

I KNEW there was a reason why I liked Brad Wollack

Bachelorette Devastation

A while back I tried to post my predictions for this season of The Bachelorette. For whatever reason it didn't post and I'm glad, because I was WAY off. From the first second I was obsessed with Jake. This dream to the right. He is fantastic. And I basically was convinced that he wouldn't win, but that he would be the runner up and then become the next Bachelor. Well you can imagine my devastation when he didn't receive a rose last night and was sent home. This still doesn't ruin my dream of him becoming the next Bachelor...but still. My emotions are in turmoil, first the Jon & Kate "announcement" and now this?! I have to go watch the Real Housewives of NJ Reunion to get my mind off of this. 

Did anyone see this?!

I. Can't. Stop.

I accidentally watched the marathon of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here on MTV this past weekend. I got HOOKED because this one and that douche sucked me into their awful lives. This was the only video that I could find BUT its missing the best part. "They completely ripped the labels off my dry shampoo! WAAAHHHHH" The ENTIRE show she was spraying her hair and trying to market this dry shampoo. Maybe she's coming out with her own brand of dry shampoo? I have no idea. I do know, however, that I want it... Apparently now they're stuck in Costa Rica because the doctors won't clear them to leave after her gastric ulcer fiasco. It really is a terrible show. 

The awkward drama continues

So, like many people, I have been ADDICTED to the Jon & Kate Gosselin drama! I live for this shit. Who knows how I first started watching the show- its not "DVR" material but I'll watch it periodically when its on. I, unfortunately, got suckered into watching the entire marathon alll day today. And then I watched the season premiere and it was everything that I had dreamed of- a sufficiently awkward pissing match. Who loves the kids more, who is around more, blah blah. While I LOVED the fact that they were both (well more Kate, but whatevs) open about everything that was going on it- it was really sad. Why would you tell the whole world your husband's issues? And Jon was basically acting like the little kid that got caught stealing candy, and now hates everyone for getting caught.

I basically think that Kate is half evil- however she's honest about that side of her and I give kadooze to that. I also acknowledge the fact that if I had 8 kids- I would be bat shit crazy AND evil. I always felt bad for Jon, she is mean to him and he lets her get away with it. In the end, I actually don't think that he technically "cheated" on her. I'm sure he was hanging out with that ugly chick, and debated hooking up with her, but didn't. These are my educated assumptions. 

What I also can't get over is how famous they've gotten! How did this even happen? I JUST saw a commercial for like an E! special about "Jon and Kate, Twisted Fate"...

Anyways, I have 783456 shows that recorded tonight that I have to get through.

STFU!

Rihanna was spotted making out with Jimmy from Degrassi! I love him! Remember when he got shot in the back which paralyzed his legs. But he still overcame all of the stereotypes of people with disabilities. He coached basketball, and I'm fairly sure he underwent some kind of surgery which cured him. Either way- he was such an inspiration. Degrassi is the best. show. ever. There was even an episode with a penis pump! You don't get that kind of scandalous shit on American kid shows. 

I can die happy

The Real Housewives Reunion Part #1 was amazing. Where do I begin? God I love Andy Cohen for hitting every single media rumor that had been out there. First of all, I actually didn't hate LuAnn for once. She actually responded to the divorce questions and even went into it a little bit. Bethenny is hilarious as always- she can do no wrong. Jill also gets kadooze for calling out Ramona in her web of lies. Ramona gets the silver medal in the "Bat Shit Crazy" awards and I'm fairly sure that she has tourettes. Alex needs to never laugh again because I can't handle that awkward inhaling "laugh." But thank God they finally created their "Silex" shirts! I cannot wait to get one...

 And then we come to Kelly. Its no secret that EVERYONE HATES HER. I despised this one since the moment she first opened her giant bottom jawed mouth and crazy gibberish came out. This reunion show was no different. She did not directly answer the question about her abuse scandal, but she did tell some long winded story about NOTHING and I'm not quite sure it was even English. And I did re watch (maybe 7 times) the part when she said "The grass isn't always greener...no matter how much fertilizer you have." WTF? I hate her. What an idiot. 

Ha, Kadooze

Ramona is the worst. I almost died when I saw this "Kadooze to all of us" really? What exactly does that mean? I cannot WAIT for the reunion. Ramona twittered something a couple weeks ago about how it "took her a week to recover from the verbal abuse" of the reunion taping. Awesome.
In other news, I am actually starting to like Simon. I know. He's awful. I have hated him since last year, but I'm starting to think that he's one of the funniest gay men on TV. Plus he has a super hot bod.
(Dlisted)

Bottles of waTer

Since I spend most of my days watching either Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Chelsea Lately, this video put my two loves together. I love Khloe, and have no idea what Kourtney does or who she is, but her gay face boyfriend is hot.

What a dumbass

So, I know I said that I quit The Hills but unfortunately last night there was nothing else on. This clip of Stephanie Pratt basically made my night, and I now feel like the most brilliant person ever. "Yaaaaahhhh my goal in life is to design hand baaggsss. Braaannnding haaandbaaags." STFU Stephanie Pratt, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU (except for me, apparently). This is only a short clip of it because Kelly Cutrone went on to talk to her in French while Stephanie just stared at her blankly and Kelly had to double check if she did, in fact, speak French. And PS, is there any reason why Kelly Cutrone chooses to be the most hideous person ever? While I enjoy her bitchiness, a little teeth bleaching never hurt anyone.

Marriage!

Here is Kathy Griffin at a proposition 8 protest. She's hilarious and I cannot wait for My Life on the D List to come back on (tied with Flipping Out).

I, myself, am extremely sensitive to the gays, example from a phone conversation last night:

On the phone with my lesbian friend:

Me: Are you scissoring right now?

R: What? No? Bah! Alright but really, its me and my girlfriend's one year anniversary coming up, what should I get her? I went to the mall to get her something... but I ended up buying myself hairspray instead.

Me: I don't know what you people want? Overalls? a ratchet set?

R: She already has one.

Me: A scooter?

R: I want one! I'm not getting her one!

Me: Oh... So are you guys going to get married?

R: Not anytime soon, but we've talked about it.

Me: Have you talked about who will carry the child, or will you both do it like that Cat Cora?

R: Oh I SAW that, isn't she awful? But no, my girlfriend can't have kids... but can you imagine me pregnant?

Me: Absolutely not, can you imagine how expensive your child's nose job will be?

R: Oh I know, right? We'd have to do that early on. PS You should talk.

Touché.

Yes, this is how we talk to each other. She calls me Smigel because of the similarities between our hair... Its love all around.

Divorce!

Well well well. It appears as though the count has been cheating on his countess! LuAnn and her husband are getting a divorce! Maybe he saw how ridiculously arrogant and demeaning she is on RHNY and decided to peace out. I hope that this is a huuuge reality check for her. What I hope more is that Bravo was still filming and we get to see some of this drama unfold.
(Dlisted)

Who doesn't love narcissism?

I can't get enough of Colbert lately.
Hilarious quote right around the 1:38 mark.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Emily Yoffe
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor NASA Name Contest

Stephen Colbert is a saint.

While I don't usually understand half of the issues Colbert covers in his show, I do enjoy anyone who gets an entire nation to follow an eagle named "Stephen Jr." across the country. This video from the Today Show solidifies my love for him and his ego.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Dirty Whore!

My emotions are torn. My first idea about Gretchen was that she was a giant skank. Then I watched more of the show, saw her with her pepaw and decided that maybe she was genuine after all. Then at the reunion when Tamra called her out, I questioned her yet again. And now after seeing this shit of her with that loser pussy known at Slade Smiley- I am going to spend my day writing her hate mail. Did she miss the entire season of Real Housewives when Slade cried maybe 59 times? And how did she miss Date My Ex, where Slade looked as though he aged a couple decades? I do not want to see either of these two douche bags on the next season (and by that I mean I'll always watch). Dlisted has way more hideous photos of these two.

Real Housewives Assault! And no, it wasn't Kim Zolciak :(

Now this is disappointing. When I found out Kelly Killoren Bensimon was on this season of Real Housewives of New York, I was excited that someone actually remotely d-list famous was on. People have been calling her a tranny and I was like no, she's really pretty. Well this one has gone ahead and assaulted her boyfriend by punching him in the face. She is scary, now that I think about it, she's maybe 8 and half feet tall and has obscenely broad shoulders...