Friday, January 9, 2009

A post where I actually talk about dating

Remember "dating" in college? Well in the metropolitan glam of Iowa City, Iowa dating was basically: meet a guy at a frat party... maybe you would run into him Tuesday at dollar wine night, or the next weekend at a bar crawl and suddenly you are dating. I'm not sure that I remember being asked out on an actual "out to dinner" date in college. Either way, those were the good old days. No real worries aside from maybe a midterm or two, 100% freedom, and everyone was always drunk.
Apparently I'm in the real world now.
I have been in the real world dating market for over a year now.

You know how there are five stages to grief?.. Well I think that there are five stages to dating.

1) When you first break up with someone, you want to get right back on the wagon. For various reasons, really. You're used to having a boyfriend so you want to transition right back into that. Or maybe you think it will distract you from feeling depressed or lonely. And perhaps in the back of your head, you think it might make him jealous and realize what he just lost.

2) The second stage is when you realize that its actually not that easy to meet people in the real world. Meet someone through a friend of a friend? Ok that works, but the older you get- the less single friends people have. At a bar? Alright that also can work, but how do you weed out the decent guys from the douche bags? And even then, how long does it take for you to fully trust someone who you can't really do your homework on. You know what I mean by this- when you date a friend of a friend you have the perk of getting their background information.

3) Stage three is maybe when you cave, and join a dating site. Ok don't judge... But I did join Match last year. I looked at it as just one more resource for meeting people. I wasn't "desperate" as some people still think online dating people are. But surfing through profiles did give me something to do with my day. Alas, I didn't find my Match as they advertise on the commercials...obvi.4) Stage 4 is when you've gone on too many dates and you're basically over it. In my case, that was like after two dates. Dating basically turns into no one having a real name, only nicknames.
Typical conversations throughout the year with Michael:

"What did you do this weekend? Did you go out with Bus Boy? (I met him on a bus). No? That kid with two first names as a name? (You know the type). Girthy lou? (Don't ask). Restraining order/gay face? (had multiple crazy ex girlfriends...never a good sign). The poker? (too long of a story). The one with "bacne"? (ha) The Irish guy? "CHAR CHAR CHAR" (Coworker, Ramon, thinks all Irish people laugh like CHAR CHAR CHAR). Keep in mind that most of these Michael came up with, not me.

5) Then finally you get to where I think I'm at today. Stage 5 is when you are finally at ease and/or don't really care anymore. You know what you're looking for in a guy, and what you're attracted to. But you also have come to the realization that you need to give people a chance. You get to a point where you're not looking for a "boyfriend" but someone who is worth spending time with.

I actually have a date tonight which brought this whole idea into my head.

All my single ladies, how much do you love dating?


Classy in Philadelphia said...

Great post, Jen! Seriously, so interesting and true.

I'm in college now and just became single in September, and I think its hard to even find a fun guy to date in college. I'm not looking for anything seriously necessarily, but I'm not trying to be someones one-night stand either.

Being single is really hard sometimes, but it's better than being in an awful relationship.

Have fun on your date!

KatieSaysSo said...

Those some cards are great!!!! They are hilarious! And your post is sooo true!

Kyla Bea said...

Oh have fun with your date!

I definitely agree with the stages, although for me there is a stage between 1 and 2 where I compulsively attempt to covertly find out what my ex is up to - facebook, myspace, friends, gossip, private eyes - and end up angry crying for about two weeks.