New Blog!!

I'm trying out this whole Tumblr business:

For My Entertainment

Yesss, I will be DVRing this!

Subtle Sexuality

I ADORE Andy Bernard.

Sometimes my cold black heart actually works...

World Food Day- Today!

I actually donated $...I know, we're lucky it's payday.

I knew it!

I heard the rumor a couple weeks ago and now CNN has confirmed it!!! I knew it!!! Remember my predictions? Love him.

Literally.

Yes! This video is finally on You Tube. Obsessed.

Standard.

Try and spot the gem I walked by in line at McDonalds yesterday... I'm thinking she may be my halloween costume this year.

I cried...and then watched it again...and cried again

The best is the last scene. Oh and Angela.

Finally!

So last year I was obsessed with this Michael Kors coat that Britney Spears was wearing. I had to have it, only to find that it was basically sold out everywhere. Good news, I accidentally sumbled upon it today on Overstock and bought it!

In other news, I officially don't fit into any of my jeans. They're all too baggy, no idea how this happened but I'm not complaining. Actually I am (duh, its me) because I now have to buy new jeans. Does anyone know where to get really cute skinny-leg jeans?

Aha!

So ever since the Heidi Montag dry shampoo incident I've been obsessed with the idea of dry shampoo and did a little research into it. As it turns out, there are barely any out there, Bumble and Bumble has a line and then I got "PSSSSST" or whatever it is from Walgreens. Its not that great, turns out. Or I just have overly greasy hair, who knows. But then Rachel Zoe posted about "The All Nighter" dry shampoo on her website, and now I'm obsessed...again.

Baby got moves

I enjoy...

The Tiffany Keys Heart Key Charm.

Best Website of All Time!

Best. Website. Of. All. Time: http://kanyegate.tumblr.com/

Imma let you finish BUT

Thank God Fall TV is back!

My weekly homolicious post

Fame of the day!!

Well I'm basically famous and no one around me is appreciating it. So I wanted to go to Rick Bayless' new restaurant, Xoco today for lunch. But someone had heard that it was dine-in only. So I used my amazing twitter skills and asked Rick this:

And I got this back!
See?!? I'm famous!

Updates!

Snipits from my life this summer since I've basically been MIA. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this wasn't my best summer. I know, Debbie Downer over here, but things have definitely turned around over the past couple weeks so fall is looking to be awesome!

-If you haven't heard- summer barely made it to Chicago

-BUT I did manage to make it to the beach twice this weekend to make up for not going earlier this summer

-Work has been pretty busy for the past few months which is good

-I'm extremely happy that Flipping out and Rachel Zoe are back on! And coming up Sept. 20th Curb Your Enthusiasm starts new episodes.

-I attempted to train for this Urbanathalon coming up in October but my stress fractures are back and I'm basically an old woman.

-The pepaw and I broke up a couple months ago

-BUT I am seeing someone new and its going great! (More updates on this situation at a later date ;)

-I had to put my childhood puppy, Tori, down :( I plan on writing a sappy post but I can't talk about it yet without losing my shit.

-BUT Bruiser is on top of his game pooping everywhere. Although, he did swim for the very first time a few weeks ago which was exciting.

-I'm going to see Britney in concert tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I owe Eileen my life for this one.

-I will be heading to NYC late October for a conference and hopefully meeting up with a few friends while I'm out there. I've never been (I know) so it should be exciting.

-Summer Heights High is hilarious. I posted this video a while back and I now have it memorized. We've been going through You Tube videos of Jonah and I'm now obsessed. SORRY HOMO.

More to come later...

One more delightful video for the day

I know I've posted 3 things today, but this is my new favorite song!

Heaven

How did I miss this!?! It's my dream, deep fried! Remember how much I love Poutine??
Poutine Rolls- Spring rolls filled with french fries and cheese curd served with a gravy dipping sauce. (This is why you're fat)

My future child

Tough day

Last night while trying to get roughly 10 hours of sleep I was disrupted by my little beast. He found it necessary to gnaw on his bone as loudly as possible. And then when that got boring he wanted to play catch with himself. Cut to 12am when Carrie gets home from a business trip and he practically scratched the door down to see her, and play. 

Then this morning while trying to take him out to pee, he managed to escape my grip 3 times and run away. I think he sensed that it was raining and decided that he would not be forced to pee under those conditions.
Well luckily he kept Carrie company while she worked from home today and was actively doing this:And this:No no, go ahead Bruise, you rest up and take it easy.

Happy Monday!

Such raw talent...

Nast.

So I saw this on twitter last night but I couldn't figure out what was going on, was she extra tan and shiny? Are those her abs or what is that? And now I see its much more classy than I had imagined...its dirt with a PB bunny etched into the dirt. This is art if I've ever seen any. She is the WORST. Although, ever since that awful show and her obsession with the dry shampoo- I've been obsessed. So I finally got dry shampoo this week and its fantastic! I'm never showering again!

Delicious!

I enjoy many things from Archer Farms and these little treats are fantastic!

I feel so productive! And morbidly obese.

So this weekend was a lot of fun and today has been super productive. Friday Eileen and I went to see (500) Days of Summer and it was awesome! I've already bought the soundtrack. It made me miss 3rd Rock From the Sun...I totally cried at the series finale. I love Zooey Deschanel and I now enjoy Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Yesterday was a Target run, and an afternoon of cleaning (always a blast). Then out to a party at Retro on Roscoe. It involved a 2am Ian's Mac and Cheese Pizza run which was completely necessary. It was the most delish thing I've ever eaten. Followed by brunch this morning where I decided to get a breakfast burrito. Again, completely necessary. 

Then we took Bruiser to the beach! Well, I knew you could take dogs to this beach, but we couldn't find the actual dog beach...so he just sat with us on the regular beach. And then I started to get paranoid about getting fined $500 if he doesn't have a special dog license. Its bizarre. Long story short, he doesn't enjoy sand and HATES children so overall, it was interesting. BUT I did get to try these weird Mexican pinwheel-chip-like-things with hot sauce. And then I had to have the corn with MAYO, BUTTER and CHEESE! I've never seen this before but It was amazingly fat and I'm worried about food poisoning as the mayo was in the hot sun...but I enjoyed it. And don't worry- I needed to get my protein in so a hot dog was my solution for that.

I then proceeded to book my flight to Cabo in February!! Finally, after years of spending money on my Mileage Plus credit card, I finally used points towards a flight. I'm very excited about it!

Now if you'll excuse me I just found a movie called Legally BlondeS, a British spin-off of Legally Blonde on TV...it looks awful so I'm sure I'll watch the whole thing. 

No! No Quiero!

Alas, Gidget the Taco Bell dog has died :( She was 15 years old and died of a stroke.

What exactly is this?

While walking to a derm appointment I managed walk behind this. It wasn't so much a mullet, as it was 2 hair styles. It was like a short, mom-like blonde bob and then long straight dark hair underneath. I won't judge because I did have that incident in the 6th grade when I may or may not have shaved the underneath of my hair. Let's not get into that, its still a sore subject. But I've grown, and I learned that that was not appropriate. This chick was in her 20's and should know better.

Chupa Chups!

Whatever happened to Chupa Chups?! I never see them anymore and I LOVE them. I would always get the Ice Cream flavors because I was hardcore like that. I hope that they're still around. 

Alice in Wonderland

Is it weird that I'm beyond excited for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland? While I'm not the biggest Tim Burton fan (Nightmare Before Christmas still gives me nightmares...) I think that he'll do an awesome job on this movie. I've always been a fan of this book and I like many quotes from it, and I love the Cheshire Cat for some reason. I had a poster that was this conversation that I like between Alice and the Cheshire cat. 

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. 

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." 

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. 

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." 

Alice went on, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. 

"I don't much care where--" said Alice. 

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat. 

"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation. 

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Random thoughts...

So these are the things that I've been thinking about lately.

I hate it when people laugh, while they're saying something not funny. Not like tell a joke and laugh at themselves. I'm talking about those who are like:

"Well the tooohoohoootal bill comes tooohoohooho twenty fihihive sixty sevenneh" chuckling all the while. Its weird...I can't get a feel for you if you're doing that. 

So yesterday while I was walking Mini, I saw a Mexican family (mom, dad and maybe 4 year old boy) digging through all of the garbage and recycling bins looking for cans in the alley. I felt awful. I smiled at the dad and then went into my apt to stare out the window at them. I debated what I should do. My immediate reaction was to go through our recycling in the kitchen and bring them out the cans, and also give them like a $20. Then I debated if that would offend them? All I know is if someone offered me $20- I would snatch it and run. The first predicament that I ran into was the fact that we maybe had 3 cans... not very impressive. Secondly, I rarely have $20 on me and I was lucky to find a whopping $4 in my wallet. So then I did nothing. I figured $4 and 3 soda cans weren't exactly on the same level as say, an Extreme Home Makeover...but at least I had thought about it. 

Did anyone watch the Obsessed with the lady who kept her MISCARRIAGE in the freezer for 7 years? I KNOW! I am still having nightmares. That is if I sleep...lately I've been staying up past midnight watching Tori and Dean on Oxygen. Someone may need to have an intervention soon.

So I tried Pilates today for the first time ever! Once I got over laughing about the girl breathing heavily besides me, it was actually interesting. I think if I stuck with it, that I could improve my posture which is delightful. And maybe, just maybe, tone up a little bit.

That is all...for now.

I do not enjoy...

...The Neelys. I spend most of my weekends watching the Food Channel and fantasizing about one day being able to create something more than Mac and Cheese. 

I love Ina Garten, her soothing voice makes me just want to curl up in her bosom and take a nap. While most people don't like Giada de Laurentiis, I love her. I even love her giant teeth and can overlook the fact that she has to pronounce certain items in Italian: "I will now grate some fresh PARMAGIANNNNAA onto the PAAASTA." 

I don't like Rachael Ray...but then again, who does? I had an ex who was obsessed with Good Eats, so I watched enough Alton Brown to ruin me for a while. Sandra Lee is too put together and I don't trust anyone who can change their entire kitchen decor to suit the theme of the show.

Now the Neelys blatant display of their affection is just too much for me to bear. "Ohhh baby pass me the pepper...you know how I like my pepper!" "Oooo girl I know how you like your pepper, gimme some love, baby." Just stop. 

Mini's Over It

Don't you love his new summer haircut? He enjoys it, minus the fact that some kind of bug has bit him all over his neck. So he's been itching non stop for a couple weeks. Tomorrow, its back to the vet for the second time. There's nothing I like more than throwing money to the wind!

I think I have a nickname problem. Its always been a family joke that I have a million nicknames for pets and sometimes people. I have NO reasoning behind half of the names. Poor Bruiser barely knows his actual name because of this. I fear for my future children. So far these are a handful of names that I have called Bruiser:

-Meaty Mouf (he used to eat wet food and got it all over his whiskers)

-Mini Man/Mr. Man, which is basically Mini to Min, which turned into Da Mini and Das Mini...?

-Chicken (Eileen calls him that)

-Kitten (Carrie calls him that)

-Mister Peepers

-Nugget, to Nuggs

-Boo

-Love Lamb

-Fu Manchu (he has one)

-Sniggity (he had snaggle teeth for a bit)

-Mr. Halitosis (self explanatory)

-Sweet Man

-Baby Face Jackson (Michael may have started this one)

I can't even remember all of the ridiculous nicknames he's had. I know...its a serious problem.

I KNEW there was a reason why I liked Brad Wollack

Bachelorette Devastation

A while back I tried to post my predictions for this season of The Bachelorette. For whatever reason it didn't post and I'm glad, because I was WAY off. From the first second I was obsessed with Jake. This dream to the right. He is fantastic. And I basically was convinced that he wouldn't win, but that he would be the runner up and then become the next Bachelor. Well you can imagine my devastation when he didn't receive a rose last night and was sent home. This still doesn't ruin my dream of him becoming the next Bachelor...but still. My emotions are in turmoil, first the Jon & Kate "announcement" and now this?! I have to go watch the Real Housewives of NJ Reunion to get my mind off of this. 

Take it down a notch

I feel bad for Obama. Aside from the fact that the US is a giant clusterfuck right now, the guy cannot catch a break. I feel like every week I hear about some DISASTROUS thing that he's done. There was that whole Special Olympics joke on Leno and then hugging the Queen of England (NO!)? Or was that Michelle? I don't know, I just cannot get over how sensitive people are. The latest atrocious thing that he's done is killed a fly... So PETA is of course stepping in and is quoted as saying:

“We support compassion for the even the smallest animals," says Bruce Friedrich, VP for Policy at PETA. “We support giving insects the benefit of the doubt."
Friedrich says PETA supports "brushing flies away rather than killing them" and was disappointed that the President had gone ahead and squashed the pesky fly.

I'm all for humane treatment of animals (unless its Bruiser and he poops on the carpet) but come ON. Go back to throwing fake blood on fur wearers.

What's the announcement?!?!

STFU, Marrieds

What a fantastic little website!! STFU, Marrieds is a site where people can submit annoying lovey-dovey status updates from their married friends. While I don't have that many married friends, I do have many annoying friends ;). I would like to start a website of just annoying status updates (I'm sure half the website will consist of my own updates). But one thing I hate/love are the people who consistently update the same, boring stuff that everyone does. 

"at work..." Yeah? Most people are- its a weekday. NO ONE CARES.

"TGIF!!!" STOP IT. (I TGIF'd once but only because I REALLY meant it)

"Sleeping..." congrats...?

Did anyone see this?!

I. Can't. Stop.

I accidentally watched the marathon of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here on MTV this past weekend. I got HOOKED because this one and that douche sucked me into their awful lives. This was the only video that I could find BUT its missing the best part. "They completely ripped the labels off my dry shampoo! WAAAHHHHH" The ENTIRE show she was spraying her hair and trying to market this dry shampoo. Maybe she's coming out with her own brand of dry shampoo? I have no idea. I do know, however, that I want it... Apparently now they're stuck in Costa Rica because the doctors won't clear them to leave after her gastric ulcer fiasco. It really is a terrible show. 

I'm back, I swear!

Ok I know that I've been MIA. I promise I'm back...I hope. I really just haven't been that interesting lately, other than my work trip to Seattle. And most of my shows ended so now I'm really boring. So I posted pics of Seattle below...at the first Starbucks ever. And PS their lattes are WAY better than the others. And thank God we got my bow legs in the picture...I was worried that we would miss them. I then decided that it would be appropriate to spend $200 on fish at Pike Place Market. Luckily in return, we got a picture with them behind the counter...totally worth it... I definitely liked Seattle and how chill everyone is there. I now need to plan my next vacation. Any ideas?

The awkward drama continues

So, like many people, I have been ADDICTED to the Jon & Kate Gosselin drama! I live for this shit. Who knows how I first started watching the show- its not "DVR" material but I'll watch it periodically when its on. I, unfortunately, got suckered into watching the entire marathon alll day today. And then I watched the season premiere and it was everything that I had dreamed of- a sufficiently awkward pissing match. Who loves the kids more, who is around more, blah blah. While I LOVED the fact that they were both (well more Kate, but whatevs) open about everything that was going on it- it was really sad. Why would you tell the whole world your husband's issues? And Jon was basically acting like the little kid that got caught stealing candy, and now hates everyone for getting caught.

I basically think that Kate is half evil- however she's honest about that side of her and I give kadooze to that. I also acknowledge the fact that if I had 8 kids- I would be bat shit crazy AND evil. I always felt bad for Jon, she is mean to him and he lets her get away with it. In the end, I actually don't think that he technically "cheated" on her. I'm sure he was hanging out with that ugly chick, and debated hooking up with her, but didn't. These are my educated assumptions. 

What I also can't get over is how famous they've gotten! How did this even happen? I JUST saw a commercial for like an E! special about "Jon and Kate, Twisted Fate"...

Anyways, I have 783456 shows that recorded tonight that I have to get through.

STFU!

Rihanna was spotted making out with Jimmy from Degrassi! I love him! Remember when he got shot in the back which paralyzed his legs. But he still overcame all of the stereotypes of people with disabilities. He coached basketball, and I'm fairly sure he underwent some kind of surgery which cured him. Either way- he was such an inspiration. Degrassi is the best. show. ever. There was even an episode with a penis pump! You don't get that kind of scandalous shit on American kid shows. 

I actually watched this entire video

That loser Spencer twittered something about this video. And of course I clicked on it, and of course I watched the whole thing. I will never get that 3:53 back. 

I can die happy

The Real Housewives Reunion Part #1 was amazing. Where do I begin? God I love Andy Cohen for hitting every single media rumor that had been out there. First of all, I actually didn't hate LuAnn for once. She actually responded to the divorce questions and even went into it a little bit. Bethenny is hilarious as always- she can do no wrong. Jill also gets kadooze for calling out Ramona in her web of lies. Ramona gets the silver medal in the "Bat Shit Crazy" awards and I'm fairly sure that she has tourettes. Alex needs to never laugh again because I can't handle that awkward inhaling "laugh." But thank God they finally created their "Silex" shirts! I cannot wait to get one...

 And then we come to Kelly. Its no secret that EVERYONE HATES HER. I despised this one since the moment she first opened her giant bottom jawed mouth and crazy gibberish came out. This reunion show was no different. She did not directly answer the question about her abuse scandal, but she did tell some long winded story about NOTHING and I'm not quite sure it was even English. And I did re watch (maybe 7 times) the part when she said "The grass isn't always greener...no matter how much fertilizer you have." WTF? I hate her. What an idiot. 

More posts to come

...We must discuss the Real Housewives Reunion Part #1. But I do not have time right now. Putting out fires. AKA its lunch time. But I leave you with Lilo's emaciated arm...I want it.

Ha, Kadooze

Ramona is the worst. I almost died when I saw this "Kadooze to all of us" really? What exactly does that mean? I cannot WAIT for the reunion. Ramona twittered something a couple weeks ago about how it "took her a week to recover from the verbal abuse" of the reunion taping. Awesome.
In other news, I am actually starting to like Simon. I know. He's awful. I have hated him since last year, but I'm starting to think that he's one of the funniest gay men on TV. Plus he has a super hot bod.
(Dlisted)

Congrats Kate!

Another good friend from High School has gotten engaged! Now 3 out of the 6 of us girlfriends is engaged. So excited for her and Nick!

Check out her AMAZING ring!!

I know, I'm the worst

I've been really MIA and my only explanation for this is that I've sort of been busy. Even though I've been moving for perhaps 3 weeks straight, I'm still not 100% organized. And I've had help.

A couple weeks ago it was decided that my room had to be painted a different color, as the glossy ugly blue was just too dark. So that entailed a trip to the Home Depot (my nightmare) and me blindly picking out colors in the sea foam color palate. I then needed primer (whatever that is) and certain brushes, tape, etc. Who knows that I bought but I left there $90 poorer and completely clueless. In the end I was banned from actually painting even the primer, as well as the paint (although I was allowed to paint the inside of the closet white).

Since then I have been moving my stuff in slowly but surely. My room is a lot smaller, but taking off the closet floor and installing a curtain rod, made everything fit. I thank Wendy for watching her fair share of HGTV.

I tried a cleanse one week. That lasted a couple days, and then I was over it.

Then 2 weekends ago, the boyfriend (aka Pepaw) turned...old... We had a delightful dinner at Le Colonial.

I then turned 25 last Wednesday. Went out to a delicious dinner at Capital Grille. I've been eating out for like the past month straight, and I now feel morbidly obese. So this week begins emaciation.

Throw in a costume party, a bridal shower, a cubs game in 3rd row seats, being sans internet and tv for the past week (I cannot handle it) and there you have my absence explained!

Now I really want to go

This is basically what I would do for BSpears tickets for tonight.

Bottles of waTer

Since I spend most of my days watching either Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Chelsea Lately, this video put my two loves together. I love Khloe, and have no idea what Kourtney does or who she is, but her gay face boyfriend is hot.

Wonky boobs

Even more reason for me to hate her.
(Dlisted)

Francois!

This is hilarious!

What I learned on Oprah yesterday

So yesterday Oprah had the "Stars of Country" on her show.
Now I know ill be judged for this, but I had NO idea that:

A) Hootie and the Blowfish was considered country.

B) That the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish is NOT, in fact, named Hootie.

And that C) he is black.

Every time I pictured Hootie and the Blowfish in my mind, I'm fairly sure that I pictured The Counting Crows. And I've heard the name Darius Rucker but I had no clue who that was. Yeah, I know- I'm an idiot.

Meanwhile- can someone please explain to me the obsession that is Kenny Chesney? I enjoy his music and everything. However, not only is he maybe 4'8", but does it bother anyone else that the man is like deathly afraid of taking off his hat? He was hugging the crazy fans on Oprah while doing the reach around to hold his hat on. Who cares that you're bald under there? I'm one windy day away from being bald myself. Man up, Kenny.

What a dumbass

So, I know I said that I quit The Hills but unfortunately last night there was nothing else on. This clip of Stephanie Pratt basically made my night, and I now feel like the most brilliant person ever. "Yaaaaahhhh my goal in life is to design hand baaggsss. Braaannnding haaandbaaags." STFU Stephanie Pratt, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU (except for me, apparently). This is only a short clip of it because Kelly Cutrone went on to talk to her in French while Stephanie just stared at her blankly and Kelly had to double check if she did, in fact, speak French. And PS, is there any reason why Kelly Cutrone chooses to be the most hideous person ever? While I enjoy her bitchiness, a little teeth bleaching never hurt anyone.

I am DYING right now

The Frills 3.0 from Jimmy DiPasquale on Vimeo.
(Thanks Sam Ronson...I mean Rachel!)

I may actually be famous

So my friend George sent me this picture that he made for his first annual PedCrawl. Apparently he took this picture of me in college sometime. I can't quite remember when, because yes I still have both that sweater and the awful hat. George started a company called Shirt and Simple, which basically takes any hassle out of designing, ordering, collecting payment and distributing large quantities of tshirts, i.e. perfect for bar crawls. God I miss Iowa City. George is brilliant, although I am STILL waiting for the premiere of his horror movie that I was an actress in. That could be some of the best acting that I have ever seen.

The latest happenings

• I've decided to quit my gym. We all know how much I hate that place and ever since the last incident there, I've managed to hate that place even more. I just don't feel like dropping another $650 for the year on a place that I actually loathe- its a recession people. Since they can't seem to get rid of the masses of people, the douche bags and the severely anorexic girl- I'm over Xsport forever. I have decided instead that I will go back to basics and run outside, and eat healthy. We'll see how long this idea lasts.
• In addition to quitting my gym, I am also quitting The Hills. I am permanently going to remove it from my DVR. I have officially had it with Spencer's greasy Care Bear face, Heidi's horse head and awkwardness, and Lauren being boring. To accommodate the space on my DVR, I will be recording Real Housewives of New Jersey. I had plans to boycott this show because I despise all things Jersey. BUT I tried that last time with Real Housewives of Atlanta, and I couldn't resist the trash. And RHNJ is way more incestuous which intrigues me, half of them are related somehow.
• Move update! So remember that post about how stressed I was to find a new place to live for May? Well I think it might have been that same day that we found a place! We were coming back from looking at one place in Lincoln Park when Carrie made several wrong turns. I think she may have been drunk, but that's neither here nor there. Luckily, for her drunk driving, we ended up going down our alley a different way. I saw a "For Rent" sign on the door that was listing a 2 bedroom. I called and the guy was in the apt, finishing up the entire new kitchen and bathroom. We LOVED it immediately. It was cheaper than we're each paying now, it allowed dogs, AND the kicker is that its literally 20ft from where we live now. Oh and we get the keys this weekend, a couple weeks ahead of our lease so we can start moving in. The only issue is that one bedroom has an obscenely small closet. So we now need to figure out some kind of pricing schematic, and then "draw straws" or flip a coin, who knows. Battle to the death.
• I love Carey Hart. Ever since his little tattoo show, Inked- I've loved him. He was on Chelsea Lately last night and it reminded me about our deep love. I thought that there was hope when him and Pink broke up (even though she would probably cut a bitch who gets near him) but they're "working things out" apparently.
• My one normal pair of sunglasses have managed to piss me off. They're too big to stay on my deformed head/face. So today I was so fed up that I decided to wear this pair from my Halloween costume as Rachel Zoe. I told myself that they're trendy, and sashayed out of my apartment with elegance. Cut to five minutes later when there is a girl BLATANTLY staring at my glasses and laughing at me. Not kidding. I slyly took them off, acting as though the sun glaring into my eyes wasn't bothering me. What a loser.
• UGH I just spilled coffee in my lap. That's my cue.

Awkward moment of the day

Called ComEd to change our service...

"Hello this is Sylvia at ComEd, how can I help you?"
(while taking the phone off of speaker, I don't hear her correctly and I SWEAR that she is speaking Spanish...)
"Uhhh yeah hi... do you speak English?"
"...Yes, this is Sylvia at ComEd, how can I help you?" In the clearest english possible.
"Oh sorry, haha. I was picking up the phone and didn't hear you...ha" I then start laughing at myself, while trying to choke out the words. Sylvia thinks I'm crazy...and racist.

Sexy Blog

That's Sassy tagged me with a sexy blog award! Holllerrr!

Ok so now I have to list 5 sexy things about me:

1) I used to do a really sexy velociraptor impression

2) I have these gold flats that I think are awesome and sexy, yet no one likes them

3) In middle school I had a little hair clip fetish... And how isn't that sexy? The few friends that I managed to keep since those days, still make fun of me for it

4) I could not have been sexier while I was 15 pounds overweight and in a belly dancing show at Club Med

5) Everyone thinks my bow legs are sexy. Duh.

Tagging:

She really is Lovesfool

The Secret Weapon

The Colorado Desert

French Kiss

Attempts at Adventures